High School Diaries 1

It was during the first day of my high school year when I first met her. She was not that pretty but she was sure not the common girl you see everyday at school. We were groupmates then at the cleaning, I was the leader and she was a member.That afternoon we were at our cleaning area when I faced her and she remarked that I had dirt on my face. I immediately get my handkerchief and wipe it off. I dont really remember how the conversation started, or how I got her name, or how I introduced mine.But since then, our friendship started and bloomed. We were together all the time, seeing many eyes staring at us maliciously as we pass. But we dont care , all we care about is were about together. We shared our stories date back when we were still in elementary, and relate to each other.
We moved on to another year, and we were separated. But our friendship didnt sway. Instead it got stronger, and once a pair became a group of six. We eat together at lunch and have as much time together as we can.
Third year, a very hard year. We still eat together at lunch and talked very silly things. My friends thought that I was gay and was paired up some guy whom I hardly know.So that I wont spoil the party, I rode with their jokes  and pretended that I like him. There was also the JS Prom where I had to dance all the girls whom I promised to. She was not my first dance - not even bothered to ask me if I wanted to, just like the others - nor was she my last. But I danced with her after a while, and it was the longest dance I ever had. Unlike others, this dance was slow. her hands were around my neck and mine was on her waist. We swayed with every beat of the song and sometimes, sang together.
In my last year in high school, unlike the past year, the teasing cooled down. She was far away from me now, have to walk a few meters up a slope. We hardly meet, only at times when she go down at recess or lunch.. or when we go home. At times like this we talk about projects and classes, and not the carefree conversation we had before. There are times that I missed her and went up to see her. At this time, she paid little attention to me as she was so engrossed with her book, causing me to talk to somebody else. JS Prom came in and never did I have an opportunity to dance with her.I was stuck with my classmates, insisting that I should stay with them. She didnt dance either. I dont know if she was asked or just dont like to. But whether my assumption is true or not, I didnt have the courage to ask her. I dont know what was going on, but I feel awkward around her. But I put the feeling aside and asked her. But the time was up and we have to go home.
Normal days are back and meetings were more scarce. At one time, I really missed her and wasnt able to control myself, I went up to see her. But my longing for her changed to disappointment. I saw her with a guy, sitting closely with each other, busy with their work. There are times that they were talking to each other, throwing jokes, and laugh. Anger gushed through me and I went back to where I was, immediately packed my things and went home.
The next few days were difficult. Whenever I look at me, I ran away. Whenever she calls me, I ignore it. But when I dont see her, sadness overwhelm me. And I miss her every second of everyday.. I feel betrayed and I dont trust anyone anymore. But knowing her, I she wouldnt do that. Why would she anyway? I asked myself. Being with a guy isnt treachery. But even though Ive made my resolve, I still dont want to face her.
But something triggered me. It was my birthday and she sent me a letter. I dont want to read it, but something inside tells me to keep going. I read the letter patiently, and there at the last part I realized the reason behind this feeling. With the letter on my hand, I immediately searched for her. When I saw her, despite all the people around us, I hugged her tightly and said the whispered the words Ive been wanting to say:

"I LOVE YOU."

Even though that year was devastated and frustrating, it was still worth remembering. In my mind I can still remember all the things that she said:

"Ive been wanting to tell you this for a long time. Ive been wanting to tell you I will be there for you, to hug you, to comfort you... but it seems inappropriate. I dont know what youre going through right now... the reason behind your sudden coldness towards me... But I want to tell you that... I will be there for you when you need me, though Im not present at your side.. always remember that youll always have a space in my heart that no one can ever fill.. that youll be in my mind every second of every day.. always thinking about your happiness... Though you may not need me now, and well be separated.... always bear in mind that I love you.. and forever will be..."